Lockdown Limericks

While out exercising, or walking your dog you will come across some yellow and red A4 posters dotted around the Village titled “Lockdown Limericks”. Composed by our own villagers they are reflections on the strange times we’re living through – the Corona Virus Pandemic of 2020. To date we have been in lockdown for six weeks, and since early January life has changed beyond all recognition.

Limericks are brief, witty, memorable and familiar verses, providing one ideal format for recording and reminding us of our community experience of the pandemic.

Far from being trite, some of the limericks express our shared sadness of loss:

There has been a tragedy here.
Of a Thursday, she’s come out to cheer.
Now all that is left
Is a family bereft.
Cold coffee, and vaporised tears.
TW

Others share our frustration with the Government’s response:

For this I make no apology
Our leaders are not what they ought to be.
They blag all the time
About taxes and crime
But they’re stumped on epidemiology
PC

Many express our gratitude to the NHS and Careworkers:

So here’s to the critical workers
The dustmen and medic researchers.
I’ve written these verses
In praise of the nurses
And all who are there to support us.
IS

Of course the creeping boredom of lockdown:

The lockdown has got me quite floored
I’ve read all the books that I stored.
And even at stages
I’ve read Yellow Pages
Do you think I’m a tiny bit bored?
IB

There are 24 Lockdown Limericks and together they cover many aspects of our shared experience: admiration for Captain Tom, appreciation of the COOP, the scarcity of loo paper and pasta, the closure of our Village pubs, the disappearance of cold calls, putting on weight and much, much more.

Thank you to every villager who has contributed a verse. This time next year, and in five and ten years time we will recall this Great Pandemic in many different ways. Hopefully these limericks will help remind us of our shared experience, with a smile.

Adrian Brooks

For those who cannot get out, we hope to have all the limericks on the Dorchester–on-Thames website.

 

A full list of the Limericks

I once had a terrible dream.
We’re all locked into COVID19.
But the wife’s cock-a-hoop
Since we’ve got the COOP
So bums to that old Quarantine!
AB

I know someone who is pretty slick
At writing the odd limerick.
Then he sticks them to trees,
And old peoples knees
As part of a conjuring trick.
SA

There once was a Dorchester gnome,
Who decided to go for a roam.
When he tried to go out,
The neighbours would shout,
You must do all your roaming at home.’
TW

Well I’ve tossed and I’ve turned,
Cos I never have learned
To write limericks cleaver and witty
We all wear a frown
In this wretched Lockdown
Looking forward to something less sh***y.
NP

A very devout believer
Contracted a terrible fever
Starting with a cough
It then polished him off.
And now he is with the Receiver
MD

With COVID-19 we’ve been cursed
They say we’re over the worst
But I can’t use my car
To get to a bar
So now I’m dying of thirst!
KR

A Lament
Oh Co-op, oh Co-op are you still there?
It’s more than six weeks since I saw you fair
The kids fetch our bread, and our milk, and much more
But I’ve now no excuse to leave our front door
So come on Boris, please end our lock-in
‘Cos I’m missing keeping up with what’s happenin’.
RW

The time the world got infected,
Donald Trump thought he’d get re elected.
We took online courses,
And filed for divorces,
An unwelcome distraction from Brexit!
C & M Whyte

For this I make no apology
Our leaders are not what they ought to be
They blag all the time
About taxes and crime
But they’re stumped on epidemiology
PC

There was an old lady called Iris
Who, no way, was catching the Virus,
She put traps on her path,
And lobbed bricks in her wrath
And took out six DPD drivers.
JH

Loo paper and pasta flew off the shelves fast,
How long can this craziness possibly last?
Thank God for the nurses, the doc’s and all workers,
Keeping us safe so we don’t go berserkers!
AW

We used to go down to the pub
For a drink, a chat and some grub.
Now that bug is about
And we’re not allowed out
We’ve all joined the “Stay At Home Club”
IS

So here’s to the critical workers
The dustmen and medic researchers.
I’ve written these verses
In praise of the nurses
And all who are there to support us.
IS

There was an old lady of Gravesend
Who into melancholy refused to descend
Many days of lockdown
Did not bring her down
Her secret, a small canine friend
EM

There was an old codger from Wales
Who inisisted on eating fresh snails.
He thought it would help us
Beat the terrible virus,
But instead it stopped ED in males!
TC

There’s a nasty virus called COVID,
And I don’t wanna go round sounding morbid.
But munch on a bat
Or a slivery snack
And you’re producing more phlegm than Glamorgan.
ZB

There was an old soldier called Tom
Who went for a bit of a prom.
He did it so well
He made the whole country yell,
And he became a full Col-on-nel
RJ

It isn’t the highest of flattery
When every part of anatomy
Fights Covid indoors
By filling its drawers
And goes from quite thin to quite fattery.
TW

There was an old couple from Dorch
In lockdown never went past their porch
When they withdrew
The neighbours went too
And were all found in the cellar with a torch
J&C C

There was a young man from Mysore
Who made calls to the UK galore.
but the ban left him blue
He had nothing to do
Now its lifted, he makes ten times more.
AB IS TW

A minister name of Young Matt
Said 100k, I’ll beat that.
Don’t do it with rigor
I’ll massage the figure
And show I’m a bit of a twat.
IB

An ep-i-dem-i-ol-o-gist
Thought for a while I’ve not been kissed
But I’m like no other
So I’ll see my lover
And now he’s off the gov’nment list
May 6th 2020 IB

This lockdown has got me quite floored
I’ve read all the books that I stored
And even, at stages,
I’ve read Yellow Pages
Do you think I’m a tiny bit bored?
IB

There has been a tragedy here.
Of a Thursday, she’d come out and cheer.
Now all that is left
Is a family bereft,
Cold coffee, and vaporised tears.
TW

 

 

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